Cars Reviews 

2017 FORD F-250 SUPER DUTY KING RANCH LONG-TERM UPDATE 1: AMERICA’S GATEWAY DRUG

“Can I borrow your truck?” I knew that question would replace “How are you?” in my coworkers’ lexicon as soon as my long-term Ford F-250 Super Duty showed up. I just didn’t think it would be so darn immediate. “Are you using the F-250 this weekend?” Actual quotes from actual co-workers. “Hey Jonny—I’m getting married next week in Utah, and I wondered if I could borrow the King Ranch?” Let’s face it: Americans love pickup trucks, and I think I might have figured out why. Hear me out.

Many moons ago I visited Hearst Castle. If you’re not familiar, it’s a private Xanadu that Citizen Kane himself, William Randolph Hearst, built with his massive fortune. Superlatives don’t do the property justice. Anyhow, on one of the tours we were out behind Heart’s private residence, and I saw some orange trees in big pots. I don’t know why, but they struck my fancy. Since that moment I’ve wanted one just like that at my house.

One of the very first things I did with the Super Duty was head to my local nursery to purchase a lime tree and some bags of soil. Makes sense, right? That’s what you do with a truck. Thing is, I could have fit the lime tree and the four bags of soil (I already had the large planter) in my Fiesta ST, no problem. But it was the fact that I had the truck that made the purchase happen.

I’m currently in Austria and spent the last week driving through Germany. The autobahn is little more these days than a sea of Škoda Octavias and Volkswagen Golf Pluses hauling campers. An American wouldn’t even think of towing a bicycle, let alone a 3,000-pound trailer with a family sedan. You need a truck, right? Obviously. That’s my thesis: Trucks are the excuse Americans need to do the things we do.

You can tow a jet ski with a Honda Fit. But you’re not going to. A mattress will strap to a sedan’s roof about as easily as it fits in a truck bed. You can easily put several bags of potting soil in your trunk and all the plants from the nursery in your back seat. But you won’t. You’ll wait until you buy a truck. Or in the case of my co-workers, borrow one.

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